I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
