sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
