Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
