its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
