im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
