I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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