Who did Billy Mays play for?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
