I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
