I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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