You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
