hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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