my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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