Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
