I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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