I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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