why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
