His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
