If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
