so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
