just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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