please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
