this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He has the fingertips of a God
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
