In the future we'll all be gay
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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