Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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