Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Holy shit dude........stairs
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
