but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
