just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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