the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
