Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My feet surprised me
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