I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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