I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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