My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
