and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
