A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
