I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
