I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
