The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
