I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
