The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
