I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Boobs speak an international language.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
