Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
