my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
