do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
