This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
