they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
