He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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