What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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