Small penises have feelings too.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
