She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
