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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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