Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
