i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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