Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
